Rico Dies at the End
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: U wot m8?


"Skipper, I have need of a magical lamp!" cried Private as he burst through the door with terror adorning his eyes.

Unfortunately, the room did not contain the penguin commander and all that was left in the room was Kowalski. "What's wrong, Private?" asked the tall bird dude.

"I need a lamp due to my crumpets and tea being unsatisfactory!" Private nearly fainted as he said this. He was really determined to ponder Professor Kukui's killer abs all weekend long.

"I assume you can't be a hero without it. Aight, I'll help ya!" Kowalski grabbed a fishstick and stuck it in his left nostril. "Now I can smell better with the correct power insert."

Private laughed at his newfound fortune. "This is going to be the best day of my life now!"

"Do not worry!" Kowalski then took out a large machine and poured maple syrup all over it. "This will ensure bacon is edible."

Private looked at the machine and frowned a lot because his face felt like a penguin's. He kicked the machine and poor Kowalski did not know why. "I did that because of your dumb dolphin girlfriend, Kowalski." Private was almost driven to tears due to his strong opinions. "This bloody blokery is unbecoming of a young penguin such as myself! You should be sorely ashamed Kowalski…"

Kowalski indeed felt the shame and looked into his own soul. He saw nothing but dolphins. "I am an unclean being, Private. I must haste seppuku, yo."

"I dare say!"

"I dare said it, boi."

"Kowalski, you needn't be so rash!"

"But my life is an impure abomination. I feel like Jerry Seinfeld without the taste of Cosmo Kramer!"

"Then I must be your wingman, old chap!" Private plopped on his cowboy hat and marched out the door with a bottle of golf clubs.

… … … … … …

The two arrived at the lemur exhibit and explained the situation to Maurice. "HOO BOY!" laughed Maurice in his attractively deep way. "You guys were doomed from the start ever since the last airing of Star Trek:TNG!"

Private shuffled a deck of cards and then tossed them over to a slug that was crawling up the wall. "Bleedin' toe fungus, mate! We need to find Skipper!"

"Oh, who is this 'Skipper' you speak of?" asked King Julien from atop his glorious kingly throne. "I only know of a small handful of my royal subjects by name, so you'll have to give a better description that won't bore me halfway through the describing."

"Oy, you bloody what now?" Private pulled out a fishstick and shoved it up Kowalski's free nostril.

"Oops, how did that get there?" pondered Kowalski as he eyed Maurice's car keys.

Maurice took the hint exactly the way he should have, with justice and zero remorse. "Dang, bub! Are you trying to take off with my Honda?"

"I dare say!" cried Private.

"He did a saying dare, yes," said Julien.

"I suggest you exercise your right to remain silent," Maurice said to Kowalski as he frisked him once, twice, three times.

"Poodoo…" muttered Kowalski. "Aight, boi. You got me. I was trying to steal your car and I feel deeply ashamed. Especially now that ya'll found me out."

"Kowalski, you dumb bloke!" scolded Private. "Wot are we going to do with you? Must I whack your face in with this bo'le I so dearly lug around with me? Blimy!"

"What in the name of the sardines is going on here, men?" announced Skipper as he approached the scene.

"Skipper! By the crown, you are alive!" cried Private. He ran up and gave Skipper a big hug.

"At ease! What's been going on around here since I left on my reconnaissance mission?"

"We had to get a magical lamp, Skipper. 'Ave you spotted one at'oll?"

"Of course not, Private. Everybody with half a brain knows any genie junk is just a hot heaping of hogwash! Speaking of which, where's Rico?"

"Oh, I accidentally shot him with my Taser!" chipped Mort from the corner.

"Is he quite oh right?" asked Private.

"No, I think he's dead because I saw his spirit ascend into the ghostly dimension," answered Maurice.

"Does this mean our fellow brother in arms has fallen victim to Danny Phantom?" said Skipper.

"Yo! Dat boi was just only fourteen!" snapped Kowalski.

"Excellente! C'mon boys, let's go revive Rico!"

"But Skipper, we need to get the genie to bring him back to life," suggested Private.

"Private, you're an idiot, but we all love you due to your undeniable plushy resemblance to a proper team mascot. Don't make me disappointed by dipping out on the adventure of a lifetime."

"Oh right, Skipper. I'll do my best."

But it was too late, Mort had already grabbed the portal gun and the cake had been a lie the whole time…

FIN


End file.
